In My First Blog Post, I mentioned that this was a space where I didn't want to solely focus on a sad girl with cancer. However, I think it's important to identify that the reason I made this blog was to show other young adults that it's okay to not be okay and that you WILL find your new meaning/purpose while you work through your sad balls of shit. I actually did an entire YouTube video rant on the idea that it's okay to not be the same person you were before.
Yes, cancer was shit. Yes, it changed my entire life and scope. Yes, I am still dealing with the shit show of residual effects and coming to terms with the fact that my path in life has shifted and I'm still wandering aimlessly on that path to find my purpose.
Life after cancer has brought me the joys (hard sarcasm) of dealing with hair re-growth, skin re-grown, and deterioration. My nails would literally crack all the way down to the cuticles and my entire body was swollen for a long time. My left arm is permanently messed up from my two PICC lines and an infection. I get tired easily and my hormones are CRAZY. I gained so much weight during my treatment due to large doses of steroids and it's been so difficult to lose even 1lb. But, I am alive. I graduated from University, travelled, laughed, made new friends and am about to finish my graduate studies. Amongst all these triumphs, I still feel a sense of loss. I don't know who I am anymore or what I want to be/do. I'm anxious and battle anxiety and major body dysmorphia.
This "loss of self" is a key issue surrounding AYA cancer patients/survivors. I have been dealing with this for 3 years now, and I can't say it's getting easier, but I have found that just living in spontaneity and simplicity while being mindful has really helped. I try and follow the Hygge Lifestyle.
As much as I can, I try to incorporate Hygge into my lifestyle. The idea of Hygge is to acknowledge a feeling or a moment, the ordinary and the extraordinary. It's about having a conscious appreciation for life and simplicity and having the ability to be present and enjoy the here and now. I think this lifestyle is a key aspect for many cancer patients and survivors. notice the small thing, stop and listen, enjoy what is happening now and not plan for later.
Just be.
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