Lately, I've actually been feeling really good about how things are going and looking forward to future opportunities, but today things came crashing down. I don't necessarily love writing about negative things in a negative light, but I also value being honest with myself, and to the people who read this blog.
If you've been here before, I am sure you have read my Survivors Guilt post. That concept was tough for me to put into words, but I'm glad I was able to do it because today is a day where that guilt is hitting pretty hard.
Everyone has had struggles, and now more than ever I respect the magnitude of people's unique circumstances. I beat this horrible disease...but did I really beat it when I think about it every day? Even with all this negative anxiety whispering at the back of my mind, just out of sight, I try and find the light in every single day, no matter how small it is. I believe in a mind + body connection and the strength of insightful thinking, even though I fail at it sometimes.
Allowing myself to feel sad is part of that connection. If I ignore or disregard how I feel, things just get worse. I truly believe that anything is possible and I do try and defy the odds..however big or small they may seem. Last month it was finishing grad school, this month it's being able to keep a consistent routine to help my physical body heal.
So, what would my pre-cancer self say to my post-cancer self?
No matter how much shit life has dropped on you, you can and you will persevere through it; believe that you can achieve whatever you want and allow yourself a moment to feel.
Perfection.
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