This Infernal Racket | my life, after cancer

A Toronto-based lifestyle blog by a 2x cancer survivor

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Dear Diary: Before

I went to the ER for a painful pulled muscle behind my right lung. 
I came out with a preliminary diagnosis of Lymphoma.

I guess I’m grateful that it happened now vs a few years down the line  – but realistically, this is the worst possible moment for cancer. My Respirologist, Dr. Patel said that my swollen lymph nodes were a 90% chance of Lymphoma. I still have yet to hear about my biopsy results but according to Dr. Patel, “It’s a Lymphoma concentrated on your collarbone." From what research I’ve done, this means Stage 2. My mom is upset (an understatement) and my dad has been trying to comfort me which is uncomfortable but also sweet...what do you even say to someone in a situation like this? I feel fine, I don't think the shock or emotions have hit me...I don't know if it ever really will.

Today I did some lung tests, and my chest hurts a bit. I went to the mall after my appointment and walked around wanting to buy something to take my mind off things, but finding nothing. Then I got a call from my boss at work. I work at a private pool, teaching kids how to swim and I really love my job. I gave her the gist of what was going on, and that I may need to leave the job for a few months. She said that was fine, and then she prayed for me. It was sweet, and I appreciated it even though I'm not religious. 

I went over to my boyfriend’s tonight, and I cried. I did have a large alcoholic beverage at dinner, which may have tipped the scales and opened the waterworks. I'm not sure if I was crying for myself, or if I was crying for him, my friends, my family...I don't really know.
November 18, 2014
I got a call yesterday to make my Medical and Radiology Oncology appointments. This is taking so much time out of my schedule but obviously has to be done. Dr. Patel called and said that he could confirm the masses were Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, but that my new Oncologist will inform me about the rest. It’s kind of scary; within 1 year this happened and now my life will be changed...


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